American People

Ancient history, my friend.

Be the First to Comment!

Friday November 21st

5:02PM

Dear Diary,

Read more

my only showbiz connections are Jon Voight and Heidi from 'The Hills'

Be the First to Comment!

Saturday November 1st

11:58PM

Dear Diary,

Read more

Don’t worry, Tina—WHEN I become president, I’ll gladly send you to Mars (you too, Colin)

Be the First to Comment!

October 19th, 2008

1:43 PM

Dear Diary,

As not a debate night, was unable to force self to stay up late enough to see Governor Palin on Saturday Night Live. Luckily (or unluckily) Daughter Meghan said nearly every website on internets posted video, and was able to pull one up for me this morning.

Read more

Dear Dave: I didn't have to show up at all, you little jerk

Be the First to Comment!

Friday October 17th

8:25PM

Dear Diary,

Forced by Rick to appear on Late Night with Letterman and apologize for skipping previously scheduled appearance, as absence somehow presented "deep insult" to public. It seems skipping Letterman of more consequence to American People than solving financial crisis, or zipping over to Miss Alaska Governor Palin’s interview with Katie couric to give Sarah new cue cards before she destroyed campaign altogether.

Read more

Expecting the Unexpected

Be the First to Comment!

Friday October 14th

9:45PM

Dear Diary,

Am exhausted. Up horrendously late preparing for final debate. Campaign staff seems quite jittery about tomorrow but am not nervous, no sir. Exactly where I wanted to be in the polls. Would you think a maverick would be winning? No, you wouldn’t! You’d expect him to be unexpectedly and inexplicably behind—despite vastly superior political experience and war-hero record—and make amazing last minute underdog comeback despite fact he wasn’t expected to be underdog in the first place. And I have to do exactly what the American People would expect out of a maverick, which is the unexpected.

Explained this to Rick, who started pulling his hair out muttering about circular reasoning. Poor guy must be tired too. Read more

Hello, My Friends!

Be the First to Comment!

Tuesday October 7th

11:15PM

Dear Diary,

Read more

Syndicate content