Lil bit ‘o hillbilly

Lil bit ‘o hillbilly

It’s in my blood. Oh, how I wish it wasn’t, but there it is.

Do you have a part of you that you wish you could just kill? I think we all have something inside us that we wish we could deny, or destroy and forget about. Whether it’s a bad habit, a tendency to do something embarrassing, or even memories of past regrets, there are things in all of our lives we wish we could be done with.

I have a little bit of hillbilly in me. I wish I could deny it, but I just can’t seem to do it. While I’ll condemn NASCAR for being stupid and pointless and a waste of the environment at best, if you drag me to the stockcar races, well… I’ll have a bloody good time.

Though I’m against guns and we don’t own one, if you put one in my hands I might just outshoot you if the game is cans and we’re using pistols. In fact, I used to love to do just that with my dad when I was ten years old.Yes, I will sneer at the neighbor’s crass colloquialisms like “Y’uns” and “Y’all,” but it’s mainly because I don’t like her to begin with, because I have plenty of people I am related to who say the same things—and while in college in Missouri’s boot heel, I often found myself saying the same things, too. In fact, every so often I’ll say something that’s 100 percent redneck—I don’t mean just a saying but my very speech itself!—and my husband will just look at me incredulously and laugh hard, knowing it bothers me. I hate country music with a passion—the more trendier it gets, the more I seem to hate it—but if you play anything prior to 1995, from Kenny Chesney to Johnny Cash, I’m going to tap my foot to it beneath the table (and probably play it louder on Spotify in private).

Part of me dislikes these things because I think they are wrong in my heart. But part of me, I must admit, just hates them because they’re so country, so hillbilly, so everything that I don’t want to be in the first place but cannot deny that I am, even so, just a little. And I’m not sure I can ever be a complete person until I get rid of this part of me once and for all—or just learn to accept it, embrace it, and love it as a part of me.

Does anyone else have this same issue? If so, how do (or did) you work it out?